Relationship and Happiness. Marriage.

Omadai Rajahlall
Dr. Mc Cormick
ENG 101
Blog # 5. Final Paper.
Relationship and Happiness. Marriage.
Relationships are key elements of happiness in people’s lives, but they are the ones who should cultivate it into a healthy growth. The people nearest to us, such as spouses, parents and children are usually the source of our deepest anxieties, fears, unhappiness or pains. As well as, there is absolutely no dough they are full of joy, happiness, love, support, affirmation, comfort and guidance. Why do people get married, even though they are aware that it is definitely not a smooth or an easy path? Well, the most famous answer to that is because they are in love with each other and cannot imagine being apart. They feel happy, worthwhile, and peaceful and receive pleasure being together. Also, marriage fills that empty gap of loneliness in their lives. Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong contract or commitment in a couple’s life. However, I believe that married people have to work really hard to maintain and harvest a healthy, happy and loving relationship. They should spend enough time together and even give each other some space when it is necessary. In order for a couple to maintain a healthy and happy relationship, they would have to learn to be patient, understanding, tolerant, honest and have good communication and cooperation among each other. They shuold even be grateful to each other for the pleasant things that they have experienced together.
Marriage gives more meaning to our lives, and it is the essence to fill the empty gap of loneliness which we encounter in life. Having someone who deeply cares about us would make us feel loved and comfortable which is a warm breath of happiness. The ability to love someone and receive love in return is an extraordinarily happy and pleasurable feeling in a marriage. It is an open gate for the most memorable and exciting moments anyone could experience, such as intimate moments. In the path of starting and striving to build a life together even the experiences of loving and caring for each other may give us some beautiful memories to always cherish. Tal Ben Shahar has mentioned in his article “Happiness in Relationship”, “Having people about whom we care and who care about us to share our lives – intensifies our experience of meaning, consoles us in our pain, deepens our sense of delight in the world.” (111). Everyone on earth has someone in their lives that keeps them going and make their life worth living for, or give meaning to it. A companionship in our life is one of the best therapies for happiness in our daily lives. The fact of having someone who loves and cares for you, supports you through your difficult times, who puts joy in your life whenever you are feeling down. Also, someone to experience and share the good and bad events with in our lives are the best things we can ever have. The companionship in a marriage gives people the opportunities to fulfill all their lonely time in life and someone by our side to grow old with. Being married gives us the opportunity to have someone who we can talk and listen to, or have all kinds of conversation and be able to share ideas with each other. Companionship in marriage also offers support and can be particularly important at times of trouble and stress. Marriage helps us to be more tolerant, unselfish, caring and loving.
I believe that marriages are supposed to be a relationship of a lifelong contract or commitment in people’s lives, and they have to work very hard to maintain that love and passion for each other during that period of time. When couples lose that interest for each other, means they are heading towards a failure in their marriage which would cause them to be extremely stressful and unhappy. Almost every married couple who are deeply in love would eventually lose the passion for each other and that is when a distance would come between them. This is the state where the passion and love for each other are no longer exciting, which cause a marriage to fall into the category of becoming a failure. This is a very unhappy and uncomfortable state to be in. I believe that one of the main reasons why couples get into this category is because they are not spending quality time with each other. There is no longer any good communication and they let other things, such as work or outdoor activities, become a major distraction in between them. They get so occupied with present activities or career that they don’t even realize that their relationship is at risk of becoming a failure. Tal Ben Shahar states, “While it is sometime necessary to forgo present benefit for the sake of failure goals, spending too much time living for the future will ultimately leads to the relationship’s failure.” (116). This explains the couples who spend too much time working and are abandoning the time for each other, hoping to ensure a secure and happy future. This is when they are putting the relationship into a major risk for becoming a failure. This is very unhealthy in a marriage because the couple would get into a trap of wanting more out of their career and barely any time for each other. A married couple can prevent getting into this situation by putting each other as a first priority. They should always make time for each other and spend enough quality time together. This will save the marriage and helps to maintain happiness in a couple’s relationship.
In a marriage, a couple can truly increase their happiness by being patient, tolerant, understanding, honest, supportive, grateful and have a good communication and cooperation among each other. A married couple will definitely be comfortable and happy being together if their marriage has these elements. Married couples will prosper if they have good understanding from each other. They should be able to understand each other whenever they are facing a difficult time or situation, or may need something which may not be the right moment for you. For example, if one spouse needs a night out with friends, or would like to do something different than usual, we should be able to understand and support our spouse in time like this. If couples do not support each other in situations like this, then they would become upset with each other which will cause many problems in a marriage. Supporting your partner during difficult times would help the relationship to become more loving and stronger. Married couples would feel happiest in their relationship if they support each other with their goals and dreams. They would feel very pleased and proud to have their partner helping them to achieve their own personal goal. Tolerance and patience are also considered as some important ingredients for a happier and successful married life. Tolerating and having patience for good or bad habits would only help to build and enhance a good better relationship. I believe that honesty is a key goal to keep a marriage together and is a strong foundation to build a happier relationship. For instance, my worst nightmare in my marriage is when my husband is hiding something from me which is important or necessary for me to know. The worst part of it is when I have to find out for myself, because I would feel much better if he could be the one to tell me. This would cause many problems in our marriage and both of us would be very unhappy. This would normally make him feel guiltier and he would end up being the one who is hurt the most. A couple should not let their past or current difficulties, or the bad incidents and problems get in between their healthy relationships. If they focus on the meaningful and pleasurable memories in their past or the present experiences, it will rescue them from all those negative emotional feeling which they may be developing in their thoughts. Relationship expert Jon Gottman is able to predict, “If partners focus on the happy aspects of their time together, if they remember the past fondly, the relationship is much more likely to thrives.” ( qtd. In Ben – Shahar 122). He is saying that if couples or any relationships focus on the happy and exciting memories or events from their past or in the present, they will indeed harvest a healthy and loving relationship. They would be able to get over the bad moments easier. We should also be grateful to our partner for all the good things they have done for us, rather than always thinking about the negative aspects that we had encountered. Whenever you are angry with your spouse, you should make a list of all the things that you love about them and the adorable things they have done for you in the marriage. Whenever times get tough, we should just remember the list and this will be a major contribution to help remind us of the positive, not the negative side of the marriage. The hard time keeps us from taking pleasure for granted and it helps to make a marriage stronger. In an article entitled “ Happiness Explained” by Tal Ben – Shahar who believes that, the difficult times and arguments in our lives remind us to be grateful for all the large and small pleasure in our lives. Being grateful in this way can itself be a source of real meaning and pleasure. (44). This is indeed a clear explanation of how gratitude can increase our happiness in a marriage. During our miserable or difficult times we should take a moment and think about what our life would be without them? I’m sure if we compare all the things we are grateful for from our spouse, will overcome the bad events that we had encountered. Everyone knows that communication and cooperation is a key to any relationship especially when it is someone who you have to commit yourself to each day. Couples should take a few minutes each day to explain their plans for the day and at the end of the day share their experiences. This will prevent couples from getting into any miscommunication among each other.
Marriage has a stabilizing influence upon people, resulting in less stress and more opportunities to relieve stress and gain pleasure. Marriage may have its rough path, but it is one of the greatest solutions for the stress and loneliness in people’s lives. There is no dough that everyone wants to get married or is thinking about a future with a spouse in their lives. I believe that hard work and determination are the keys to success; therefore we should quote this phrase through the tough times in our married lives. It gives us the opportunity of companionship to grow old with someone by our side, because even though we might have children they would eventually begin their own separate lives. I believe that the bad and difficult times are the ones that make the relationship stronger because it make us realize how much we care and love each other. At the end of the day, I am very pleased and happy that I have a husband in my life to go home to. And, I am sure that everyone who really loves their spouse feels the same way.